It goes without saying that the last few weeks before the start of summer tend to be the most stressful of the academic year. As looming deadlines for assignments draw nearer, and the duration of spring semester dwindles down, so too does our willingness to do work in any sort of timely or efficient manner. Sadly for us, this means that the 10 page paper we were supposed to “begin thinking about” two months ago? It’s unquestioningly put on the back burner until it becomes physically impossible for us to procrastinate any longer, which almost always ends up falling around 7pm or 8pm the night before. If you’re anything like us, Collegiettes, this predicament sounds eerily familiar, and usually goes something like this:
Pre-writing warmup: First, you unsurprisingly allow yourself a few moments to drown in existential dread because you know the night ahead of you will be a long and sleepless one.
Stage 1: You skim over the rubric one more time, and briefly consider drafting an outline to organize your ideas, but two seconds later, you realize that the time for outlining has come and gone. Oh well, c’est la vie.
Stage 2: You reluctantly open Microsoft Word, and type your header followed by a random title that isn’t nearly creative or original enough. Time to reward yourself with a 10 minute break.
Stage 3: You consider numerous ways on how to start your paper, but you keep on rethinking your words and end up just staring at your computer screen.
Stage 4: You begin to wonder how you are even a productive member of society, given the fact that you have a serious case of writer’s block, and have barely formed a single, coherent sentence.
Stage 5: Somehow it takes you more than an hour, but you manage to come up with a semi-decent thesis and introductory paragraph, and thus the creative juices start to flow.
Stage 6: Suddenly you enter rapid-fire mode, and begin typing like a madman and churning out hundreds of words at what seems like an extraordinarily fast rate. You’re not totally sure if your writing is following a logical argument, but it sounds good in your head so you really DGAF.
Stage 7: You’re on a roll until you check your word count and tragically see that you still need to add a few more pages to the length. Your despair deepens as you glance at the clock and notice that it’s already past 2 in the morning.
Stage 8: You frantically start typing whatever your heavily sleep-deprived train of thought is telling you. The thesaurus then becomes your best friend, and you proceed to rephrase a bunch of points you already made.
Stage 9: You’re still short a page, so you imperceptibly change all the commas and periods to size 13, and straight to the printer you go. It doesn’t matter how well-written it is at this point, all that matters is that it’s finished.
Stage 10: By this time in the night, you could probably watch the sunrise if you wanted to, but instead you choose to cash in on the precious amount of sleep you have left. You most likely will be waking up in less than a couple hours to submit your paper and head to class. Don’t worry— sleep, food and bathing is for the weak anyway.
Post-writing cool down: Vow that you will at least try to never again leave an essay for the last minute, and remember to give yourselves a congratulatory pat on the back, Collegiettes. You deserve it.
GIF Sources: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12.
The Essay Writing Process, As Told By Gifs
Starting a paper is a lot like going to the dentist, you know you have to do it, you know it’s going be painful, but you know you’re going regret it if you procrastinate it any longer. If you’re anything like the millions of other college students in the United States, then you’ve probably left writing this essay to the last minute. But that’s ok, because you’re not alone in this! Below, we’ve captured the essay writing process at it’s finest, with all of the meltdowns, snack breaks, and everything in between.
Whether you’re in the middle of writing an essay that’s due tomorrow or you’re just surfing the web for some laughs, our essay writing process rundown will beyond a doubt remind you of why you should never leave writing an essay for the night before its due.
Step 1: Open Microsoft word and realize that it was definitely a huge mistake to leave writing this 2,000-word minimum essay for the last minute.
Step 2: Stare at the blank Microsoft word document as the blinking cursor mocks your existence. Finally, after much deep thought debating on the perfect way to start your paper, begin typing away.
Step 3: Take a step back from your laptop and take a look at what you’ve written thus far.
Step 4: Realize that after pouring you blood, sweat and tears for the past five minutes into all of that hard work for your essay, you definitely deserve, at least, a fifteen-minute snack break to gather your wits. After all, how can you focus without some carbs in your system?
Step 5: Return to your computer recharged and ready to start on the real parts of your essay. This involves stuffing in largely, unnecessary dictionary words into the paper in order to reach the painful 2,000-word count minimum imposed by your professor.
Step 6: After sitting in front of your laptop, typing for what feels like an hour, realize that you’ve only completed one full page and you need at least another nine more pages to go.
Step 7: Realize that you’re going to need a whole lot more than coffee in your system to get you through this night and reach out for the Red Bull on the corner of your desk.
Step 8: Start typing at a hundred words per minute as the Red Bull and coffee finally kick in and give you that undeniable surge of energy you needed to finally wrap up the essay.
Step 9: Start freaking out over the MLA style bibliography and try finding citations that don’t include all of the nonstop Wikipedia pages that you have been using.
Step 10: Finally, wrap your essay up with an extra 10 words over the minimum and just five minutes to spare to run into class and hand the paper over to your professor as you swear to yourself that you’ll never start writing another essay the night before it’s due.